Remember teenage angst? Remember being mortified at the thought of telling your parents what was troubling you?
In our modern age (which is all I’ve got to go on), it has become typical for teenagers and their parents to separate emotionally and philosophically. Even if certain teens and parents have good relationships, there may not be a whole lot of deep conversation between them, not because the parents wouldn’t welcome it, but because teens may not know how to broach a particular subject. Along with angst comes embarrassment.
Enter Facebook.
Facebook (FB) has gotten a lot of criticism because it’s a major hangout for young people. Of course, if you ask the fuddy-duddies, wherever young people hang out, they’ve got to be up to no good.
FB was first intended exclusively for college students; one had to have a college email address to sign up. Then FB opened its web doors to high school students, who flocked to the site. Finally, the site allowed anyone over 13 to join and we oldsters have been steadily trickling in, many of us following our children and other family members.
I dare say, even though more adults are using FB, we probably aren’t using it as heavily as those between 14 and 25 are. I have no research to back that up; it’s just a hunch based on how much Daughter and her friends use it. Because the site allowed exclusive access to young people first, they had a chance to build their networks and make the online space their own. They feel safe there.
Given the impulsiveness of youth, teens and young adults tend to post things it may not be wise to reveal in public, hence the criticism of the site. However, it’s precisely because young people post to FB in a spirit of abandon – thinking only their friends will see – that the site can serve as a bridge to span the generation gap.
Hubby and I experienced a recent personal example. Over the weekend, I was checking out my Facebook feed and found a message posted by Eldest Son. He’d had a classroom experience that brought to the fore feelings of loneliness. He’s been in two new schools within the past two years and hasn’t had as much contact with us or his childhood pals in that time, so this is understandable.
As soon as Hubby and I saw that first message, we contacted him via FB’s chat feature and had a long, long-distance talk. Eldest Son posted a few more status updates about his loneliness over the weekend, which we followed and commented on. We also Skyped him. We tried to get him to a place where he knew that people cared, and gave him advice on ways to alleviate the loneliness. We also wanted to assure him that he wasn’t alone; Hubby and I (and everyone else on the planet) have gone through periods of loneliness. By the end of the weekend, Eldest Son indicated, again via FB, that he was feeling better.
This entire exchange would not have happened without Facebook. For as much as we’ve indicated to Eldest Son that he can talk to us about anything, his personality is such that I think he would have had difficulty bringing his feelings up directly. FB was the perfect intermediary. It gave our son time and space to broadcast what was happening in his life without the discomfort of facing us and trying to arrange his thoughts before vocalizing them. It gave us a way to track his mood and send periodic messages of encouragement. What more could we ask of an online application?
Thanks, Facebook!
Eldest Son – If you’re reading this, know that we love you! – Mom & Dad
P.S. I’ve got a feng shui suggestion for you, if you want to hear it. – Mom
The Woo Woo Teacup Journal 
My daughter doesn’t use FB, she does use MySpace and this exact thing has happened with us. While I hate that she sometimes isn’t comfortable with verbal communication, I’m extreamly grateful that things like MS and FB keep the lines of communication open.
Yes I’ve had similar experiences, and I think this is a perfect example of why FB is such a valuable tool. Thanks to FB, I feel much more in touch with dozens of people than I ever would be otherwise. For me it all started with MySpace. Most of my MySpace friends were my nieces and nephews, and it allowed me to connect with them in an amazingly effective and helpful way. Without MySpace and now FB, they’d be near strangers to me.
The same phenomenon, however, has showed me how clearly separated I am from “kids these days.” Many kids will post stuff that elicits horror from us adults, but among their peers its all standard fare. It seems that teenagers in particular go through radical swings in attitude, from “OMG I’m so happy!” to “OMG I hate my life.” If I took every such swing seriously, I’d worry that all my under-25 friends were seriously bipolar!
Having said that, it’s also given me greater insight into that hot-cold perspective than I would’ve had otherwise. I think I can relate, sort of.
In sum, FB RULEZ! WOOT!!!!!! UGH stupid snowstorm they canceled Futsal tonight I’m SOOOO depressed my life is a black hole of pain. OMG OMG OMG PIZZA FOR SUPPER I CAN’T WAIT PEPPERONI RULEZ!!!
😉
Michael – Your final paragraph is why employers should never look at Facebook profiles when making hiring decisions! LOL!
I’m with you, Mary. My church has been very slow to get on board with reaching people through social networking sites, saying that it prevents “real” communication. But in my experience, facebook and the blogosphere have CREATED real relationships where none would have otherwise existed — connecting me with new friends, and reconnecting me with old friends, and now those people are a HUGE part of my support system — even though the bulk of our communication is online.
Also, I think the repuation for “online” communication to mask a person’s real persona doesn’t hold up either. I think online, people can feel safe enough to let their true personalities show — there’s bound to be SOMEONE out there who can relate to the real me, right? I don’t have to fake it to impress some kids at school or the other moms in my neighborhood or whatever. I can be my own brand of mom, my own brand of wife, whatever. The whole BE SCARED! ONLINE PREDATORS! thing might still be real, but I think it’s a much smaller percentage of people online than it used to be, don’t you?
I have to wonder about your estimation of high usage between 14 and 25. Apparently the most-downloaded/most-used fb application is “circle of moms” — which makes me think the highest usage is probably people closer to my age — between 23 and 33, maybe. (We’re the ones who were in college when facebook first started, the original users, so that might be why we’re online in such high numbers.)
By the way, grandparents on facebook are maybe the funniest thing EVER. My mom now has a blackberry. Ahhh, technological savvy… it’s not just for the young anymore!