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“White Teeth with an Explosion of Fresh Mint”  !!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Exciting Flavor!”  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Sparkling White MintZing”  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Invigorates Mouth”  !!!!!!!!!!!!!

“A Fusion of Natural Spearmint & Peppermint Essential Oils will dazzle your mouth!”  !!!!!!!!!!

“Clinically proven, stain protection formula for sparkling, healthy white teeth accompanied by a unique flavor experience.”  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear god.  How many superlatives does Colgate think I can take so early in the morning?