I was thinking of posting another story on Woo Woo Teacup. It’s an older story (from 2004), one of the first fiction pieces I wrote. I read through it last night to see if it needed editing. Editing! Ha! The darn thing is so crappy that I suffered seizures of mortification. To think, I even attempted to submit it for publication. Now I know why it was rejected. What I can’t figure out is why, when I had people read it and I read it to my writers group, everyone seemed to have a positive reaction to it. Were they being polite, trying to let me live with delusions of being a good writer, or was there something worthwhile in the story that they connected with?
My reaction to it has me gripped with fear that whatever I write today will assuredly turn to crap four years from now. Do writers such as Margaret Atwood, Christopher Moore, Michael Chabon, Jeffrey Eugenides or Neil Gaiman ever have these fears now that they have experienced publishing success?
I don’t think my story is completely unsalvageable, but it needs a serious overhaul before I bring it out into the light of day. Meanwhile, I have to work on staring down my mortification.
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February 15, 2008 at 6:09 pm
Reeva D
I would wager my life that all of those great writers you mentioned DO have those fears — but part of being an artist is accepting criticism, positive and negative. I joke all the time about how awesomely bad my high school poetry was (is), but at the time, everyone seemed to think it was really good.
Think of it this way – if the stuff you wrote four years doesn’t seem good to you anymore, that probably means you’ve improved, and that’s always a good thing. Just think, in four more years you’ll be even better.
Personally, I think you’re a great writer. And I’m not just being polite.
February 15, 2008 at 6:43 pm
woowooteacup
Well, Reeva, you do have a knack for cheering this girl up. My husband was saying the same sorts of things last night, which also helped. (Sometimes I think I need to be slapped out of self-critique, although I’m thankful nobody’s done that to me!) Hubby also said something along the lines of writers always having something more to say on a story, that stories are never finished. I’ll be going back at the story, shaping it up for presentation on the blog. Thanks for the kind words.
(That’s what I’m doing right now – smiling.)
February 16, 2008 at 12:08 am
Soloist
As I am typing this the sheet of my bed are covered in stacks of type written chapters to your Greenville series. I am reading the chapter Baby which was written in 2007 with the updated version from 2008 right next to it. I can assure with confidence that what I am reading won’t induce a repellant reaction next year or in 4 years.
Be kind to it was an early swipe at fiction. My first stab at fiction was read at a public reading for Pete sake, image how I felt suddenly realizing that they had been broadcasting it on public access for a year. Perhaps good that I read The Prick Test this year, a surefire way to ensure placement on the floor of the editing room
That having been said, I do appreciate honesty, but I’m okay getting there on my own. I don’t want someone chopping up my best effort. I feel vulnerable about my writing, it’s personal to me and handing over chapters is in some ways like entrusting someone with a small scoop of my soul. I’m not sure I would have benefited from someone telling me my plot was weak. If I can’t hear it, I can’t really fix it unless it’s technical advise.
Remind me to avoid reading my earliest work…
February 16, 2008 at 12:50 am
Manoj Sterex
I guess a person’s best critic is himself. Like Reeva said, if you think your work is not appealing to you anymore, I guess you have become better at it and you look beyond the satisfaction that it once brought to you. And that’s good. ‘Cause, unless you yearn to getter better at something, you’ll be stuck up in once place.
But always, respect your works. Those were the steps that have brought you up till where you are right now!
Personally, I feel you are a great writer and you really can put things across in a way that people can comprehend easily.
Like your husband said, a story is a success if it makes a person think even after he’s finished reading it. In the sense that a story which contains an inner meaning stays in memory even after reading it.
February 16, 2008 at 4:47 pm
woowooteacup
Holy smoly, everyone! I now know that I have all kinds of people ready to yank me back from the Cliff of Despair should I happen to find myself there again. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
You’re right, Soloist, handing over writing is like giving people a piece of your soul. And Manoj, you’ve nailed it in saying we’re our own best critics. I have high expectations for my work, but forget that the goal keeps changing as I move through time. You know, Soloist and Manoj, I have always respected the early events in my life for having brought me to where I am now (even the mistakes), but never thought to do the same with my writing. I’ll try to keep your advice in mind.
And, Soloist? Your first public reading was fabulous. Sounds like you might be your own best critic, too. I’m glad you’re liking Baby.
Thanks again for the kind words, everybody. Back to writing!
February 16, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Self-Indulgence « The Woo Woo Teacup Journal
[...] stories, writers, writing Tags: emotion, encouragement, fear, panic, self indulgence, writing In my last post, Mortification, I discussed how panic set in upon rereading an older story I had written and thinking that it [...]